Asking the Right Question

Have you ever had one of those moments when you realized that you have been on the wrong path? I know that we've all had at least a few "AH HA!" moments when clarity of purpose was grasped. It's like pulling and pulling on a door, maybe getting frustrated with the lack or results only to lean against it out of exhaustion only to find it open when you leaned against it. Moments like that -- only less embarrassing -- are fantastic. They redirect us, they teach us something about life that perhaps we hadn't grasped before. Moments like that lend understanding and often teach us that things aren't as difficult as we thought because of our own wrong thinking, not because of the weight of the problem.

I had one of those moments recently. In all honesty, I had grousing about my job. It was oppressive, and management is short-sighted, and no one understands how to communicate. My talents are underused and no one cares about the employees there.

I was on the verge of a job hunt, a task that I only grudgingly began to undertake after finally overcoming all of my own objections. I wanted out and I wanted to go to an employer that provided me with a sane and secure place to use my skills and grow with the company. Still a bit conflicted about switching jobs for the fourth time in my life, I was searching an making notes of companies, looking at web sites and company financials trying to come up with the ideal workplace. One that would inspire me, not drain me.

In the midst of this, I prayed some about the job situation. Not a lot, because I was really going through a very dry time spiritually. I wanted to grow, but I felt like the obligations of life kept crowding out time to grow spiritually. When I did have time, it was often book ended with activities. Now that the girls are down for nap time, I have exactly 90 minutes before I have to go get showered and dressed for the Christmas party. Oh, and I have to iron...make it 80 minutes. And I have to finish the wrapping...make it 70 minutes. Okay, now I have 70 minutes to grow spiritually. Go.

Understandably, I was very unfocused and uninspired. For me, these things tend to spiral. I do have any growth so I try to force it, which leads to no growth but plenty of frustration, which makes me not want to try as hard, which leads to no growth causing further frustration. Downward it goes.

I did, however, find some time to pray about the job situation. Lord, open a door and close a door until I understand clearly which way to go.

That leads me to my epiphany.

I was headed to the church library to look for a small group study since my efforts to come up with a study based on my knowledge of what was available was going nowhere. While in the library, I saw three people: a woman who works with the children's ministry and worked in the Kindergarten room that I help with on Sundays, a woman who co-leads the small group with my wife and I, and my sister-in-law. With a church the size of ours where close to 4000 people go through the doors on a typical Sunday, it was quite comforting to go 3 for 3 with encounters for the day. I should come over here more often, I thought. I started to look through some materials, found some promising ones, and started to check them out of the library.

Then, it hit me. Maybe I was asking the wrong question.

I shouldn't be looking for a job, I should be looking for a purpose. By seeking a purpose, a usefulness for my living, perhaps I would actually be working on the right problem. Finding a new job would not make me any happier than the other three job changes I had made. However, finding the purpose that God has for me now would make the other concerns less of a burden. My employer is still short-sighted, but instead of letting that consume me, I can let it roll off my back because I am pursuing something greater than financial gain. I am seeking to serve a big Big BIG God who wants to use me and sees the big picture. He knows of my usefulness and has plans for my growth. No one cares more about me than He does.
In that light, I realized for the first time in two years that my present work location is close to my church. I knew that as a matter of fact, but I didn't grasp it as a matter of lifestyle. I could visit the church during my lunch hour. I could use the library, talk to people, coordinate activities, even volunteer my time. I could work on and towards my purpose rather than being stagnant and grumpy.

Oh, what a burden lifted! Oh, what a joy to feel free of the exhaustion of trying to pull the door open only to lean on it and have instant access to the other side! All of the concerns I had before my trip to the library are still there. Not one of them has been solved. My work environment is still substandard, but instead of being mired in the muck, I am soaring above it. I have the hope that perhaps, God willing, some day before my life ends, my job and my purpose will become intertwined. My profession and my purpose will intersect. That would greatly please me. In the meantime -- and that is where we spend most of our days is in the meantime -- I will quietly rejoice that my work and my purpose may be geographically close. Being this close to defining my purpose is invigorating. A tiny grain of understanding of God's purpose for your life can lift a downcast heart to new heights.